Shaken

I am a sarcastic person.  I always have been.  If you ask my longtime friends I am a sarcastic, not overly emotional person.  I rarely cry.  To be clear, it isn't that I don't feel sad, I do. I just choose to cry privately or not at all.  I also don't share my deepest emotions often, I tend to hold them in. I share a lot about myself and my life (obviously not shy evident by the blog) but the really raw emotions are private for me. There are those few who I have opened up to over the years...parents, sisters, husband and best friends...but mostly I keep my deep emotions to myself.  Healthy, not healthy....not really sure...it is just the way I am.  Or maybe I should say, the way I was.

Since having my two sons, life has profoundly changed.  Gone are the self centered days where everything was about me.  I have two lives to worry about.  Any mother can relate.  I definitely feel more and cry more.  The sarcastic remarks roll slower off my tongue. Becoming a mother has made me a better person without a doubt in my mind.  These babies are everything.  I would walk through fire, stand in front of a bullet, literally lay my life down for those two.  I knew I would love them before I had them, but now that they are here it is sometimes indescribable what I feel for them.  Any mother would know.

I have seen tragedies in my life......The Columbine HighSchool Massacre, 9/11 Terrorist Attack and the Beltway Sniper Attacks.  They were all horrific and sad and I cried for all the victims of these horrible incidents.  I am not sure what makes the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting different for me, all I can tell you is, I can't shake it.  I have been in and out of crying spells every day since it happened.  I have been staring at my sons wondering how I can protect them from this world that seems beyond repair. I even cry for Adam, the shooter wondering what torment he must have been going through in his head to be able to stare into the eyes of an adorable six year old and shoot him or her point blank...twenty times.  

I write this post with tears streaming down my face (I guess someone who cries in private isn't a way I can describe myself any longer) wanting to be able to move on and get back to life as normal.  Is there life as normal after something like this?  I don't know.  I know that something needs to happen.  Something needs to change.  Something good needs to come from this horror.  I hope that guns become more regulated and I am signing petitions.  I also hope that mental illness becomes a priority in this country and seen as a real disease by insurance companies.  I am signing petitions for this as well.  On the smallest scale, but the one that means the most to me, I am vowing to spend more time focused on my children....loving them, holding them close, caring for them and making sure they know they have someone to depend on...always...no matter what.

If you are anything like me you are a busy mom trying to juggle it all.  I spend hours working on clients wardrobes, updating my blog, updating my Facebook Page, networking my business.  As I try to get it all done, I dismiss my three year old, "go play with your toys, Mommy has to finish this"... something I say multiple times per day.  I am not doing this anymore.

My business and blog are still extremely important to me. I love what I do...helping women feel their best..making life/shopping easier for them.  I will continue to pour my passion into my business, blog and life, but not at the expense of my children and their time with me.   I think of those parents who have no child to tug at their arm and call "mommy" one hundred times per day.  I am so very lucky.

I hope you understand that although this is not the normal content of my blog I had to get this out there, off my chest and into the world before I can go on with holiday shopping lists and outfit posts. I promise to be back to regular fashion related content very soon as I try my hardest to get back to life as normal (whatever normal is).

Best
Carly